Reborn's Guide to Being a Mafia Boss
by Fyoex
Summary: Tsunayoshi thinks God hates him. Why else would he give him a sadistic devil as a mafia tutor? Poor, poor Tsuna. Humor, multi-chaptered. ABANDONED. UP FOR ADOPTION.
1. Boss Mode

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own Reborn!_

_**A/N:** Aaand I start another Reborn! fic! I'm on a roll~~ Unlike the previous two, this one is going to be multi-chaptered, and also unlike the other two, this one is purely humor._

_I did search 'mafia boss' to see if there were other fics like this, and I didn't spot any, so imma go ahead and try this out._

_**I'm uploading this as a teaster to see if people like it or not, and i've already got the second chapter written out, so please review your comments! I'm going to China soon for 3 weeks, so might not have an opportunity to write more, but maybe ;D**  
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_**Summary:** _Tsunayoshi Sawada thinks God hates him. Why else would he send him a sadistic devil as a mafia tutor? Poor, poor Tsuna. Wonder how many years he has left._  
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_**Warnings:** Don't think there will be any pairings, humor, maybe a bit crack-ish. Reborn being Reborn and Tsuna being Tsuna :D Some bad language too._

_Let's get this show on the road!_

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****Reborn's Guide to Being a Mafia Boss****

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_**Intro - Boss Mode**_

Tsunayoshi Sawada, a boy only of 16, snuggled deeper into his soft cushions, unwilling to get up. He'd been dreaming about confessing to Kyoko-chan, but before the words 'I love you' had left his mouth, the dream faded away.

Still, as Saturday mornings go, this one wasn't turning out too ba-

_**WHAM!**_

Tsuna shrieked in pain and shot upright.

"WHAT THE FU-"

_**WHACK!**_

The second hit knocked him out of bed, and he lay on the ground sprawled, his bum in the air and his hands holding his head.

In front of him standing rather innocently was the cause of his pain, everyday. Clad in his usual black suit and fedora, with Leon on it, Reborn looked at him in amusement with a 10 tonne hammer in his hand.

"What your mouth, Dame-Tsuna." With that, we returned the hammer to its suitcase, away from the seething eyes of Tsuna as he glared at Reborn.

Tsuna should have been used to this. Really. But every morning he seemed to forget about the evil baby in his room, and every morning, he was reminded of his presence.

"You didn't have to hit me Reborn! There's no school today!" he wailed in grief, picking himself up from the unforgiving floor.

"Maman wanted me to wake you for breakfast," the hitman replied casually. Without another word, he left the room, presumably to steal Tsuna's food.

Tsuna sighed as he pulled on a simple white shirt and brown pants, before heading downstairs to try and save his meal.

Once he arrived (after nearly falling down the stairs. Twice) he quickly snatched his plate from Reborn's reach, which earned him a small glare promising death later. Tsuna tried not to shiver as he set himself down to eat. It looked as though his mother, Bianchi and Fuuta had finished their food, and were about to head out.

"Tsu-kun! We are going to visit a primary school for Fuuta. Take care of the children while I'm gone!"

"Ok, mom," Tsuna replied.

He turned his attention back to his food - except it had all gone. Reborn looked away with a smirk.

Tsuna huffed, but was distracted by Lambo and I-Pin, who were bickering over the last boiled egg.

"Lambo-sama saw the egg first! That means it's mine!"

"No! Lambo has already eaten 5, that one is I-Pin's!"

A low thud was heard as Tsuna's forehead connected with the table.

"I suppose now would be a good opportunity to start the first lesson."

Tsuna lifted his head off the table to look at Reborn in confusion, a red mark on his skin.

"What lesson, Reborn?" he asked suspiciously. Lessons = Failing = Punishment = Pain. Lots of pain.

Reborn didn't reply, instead he reached into his suit's inner pocket, and brought out a giant book that in no way should have fit in there without him noticing. Tsuna gaped and looked at the title.

**Reborn's Guide to Being a Mafia Boss**

Tsuna spluttered as Reborn flicked to the first page of the book.

_**Lesson 1. Boss Mode.** The quintessential skill of any worthy boss. While using this skill, an aura undetectable by machinery will surround the user and everyone around said user (distance calculated by the strength of aura) will all focus on said user. Said user will be in complete control of themselves, and with this, they can calmly instruct their subordinates, run negotiations (see Boss Meetings) and intimidate enemies._

"So, do you understand what 'Boss Mode' is?" Reborn asked.

"N-"

"Good, we'll start by having you go out into the streets and testing it on strangers."

Tsuna gawked in horror. "No! What! Reborn! I don't even know how to go into this 'Boss Mode' thing!"

Reborn put on a contemplative face on. "Hmm, perhaps we should start smaller. Ah," he said, and pointed to the still arguing kids. "They will do. Use your 'Boss Mode' on them to get them to stop fighting."

Tsuna started inching towards the nearest exit, which were the stairs.

Reborn frowned, and Leon turned into a green gun.

"I said…" Reborn's eyes glinted, and Tsuna knew he was doomed. "Use your 'Boss Mode' as if you were to die."

One bullet latieer~

"**REEEBOORRRRNNNN! USE MY 'BOSS MODE' AS IF I WERE TO DIE!**"

Tsuna puffed up his cheeks and took a deep breath. He held that breath until his face was bright red and jumped in front of the wide eyes youngsters. The two children stared up.

They saw a crazy person in only their boxers with a steaming red face, a fire on his head, pupiless eyes and screaming at them, "**YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME! I'M YOUR BOSS!**"

Needless to say, they screamed in terror and ran away.

It didn't stop there. Oh no. With a roar, he plunged himself through the wooden door into the streets, where numerous bystanders looked at the mad boy in shock.

"**YOU WILL ALL LISTEN TO ME! I'M YOUR BOSS!**"

A woman with her small child screamed bloody murder and shielded her child, while others took out their phones to call the police, a mental hospital and the local wildlife control.

"Jyuudaime…?"

Yamamoto and Gokudera, who were heading to visit Tsuna ogled at the strange sight. Tsuna spun around, and pointed a furious finger at the pair.

"**I AM YOUR BOSS! BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!**"

"YES JYUUDAIME!" Gokudera shouted and immediately fell to his knees and worshipped his feet.

"Woah, ok Boss!" Yamamoto exclaimed and bowed to him.

At this time, the flame on his forehead finally extinguished, and he eeped as he heard sirens in the background.

"HIIIIII! REBORN!" he shouted in panic as he ran back inside the house.

Unfortunately, he ran into the wrong house.

A young man sat huddled in the corner of the living room, muttering into his phone, "Oh my freakin' God, he just came into my house, holy shit holy shit WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN STAY CALM? MOMMYYY! SAVE MEE!"

Tsuna backtracked quickly but before he could run outside a loud voice boomed.

"WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! COME OUT CALMLY OR WE WILL GO IN WITH THE DOGS AND THE TRANQUILIZER GUNS!"

Tsuna screeched in panic and huddled on the floor, much like the random man in the corner.

"This is so not happening, I'm still eating breakfast, I did not just do all of that, Reborn is not a sadistic bastard… oh HELL."

Something slammed into the front door, barking viciously and scratching at the thin barrier. Tsuna squealed in fear and ran towards the back door, which was thankfully open. He jumped over the low fence into his yard, and ran into the safety of his own house.

When Reborn found him, Tsuna was huddled under the blankets of his bed, with what looked like glowing red eyes from within the darkness.

"Reborn…" Tsuna gritted out with a mix of fury and embarrassment.

Reborn was unaffected, and proceeded to write in a little notebook.

"Not quite what I meant by 'Boss Mode' but it seemed to have worked on Yamamoto and Gokudera. Good work, Dame-Tsuna, we'll work out the kinks later," he said happily and left the room.

Tsuna just moaned and wished that the bed would swallow him.

"**And in this week's news, a red-faced mad boy in only his boxers, dubbed 'The Tomato Pervert' was seen shouting threateningly to innocent bystanders and broke into a man's house. The man has been admitted to a rehabilitation clinic and doctors say that his trauma is severe, and will require many years of psychiatry. The boy however, escaped capture, and has not been found yet. Detectives are contacting local mental facilities to try and identify who this person was. People are warned to be careful, he is still out there."**

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To be continued…

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A/N: One chap finished! I sure hope that made you guys laugh, cause it made me crack up a few times! (And laugh sadistically)

Review for cookies!

_** I'm uploading this as a teaster to see if people like it or not, and i've already got the second chapter written out, so please review your comments! I'm going to China soon for 3 weeks, so might not have an opportunity to write more, but maybe ;D **_

_**Depends what the reviews say, I'm not that confidant in this story though, so prove me wrong ^^  
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_Omake~~_

As the Dying Will Bullet entered his skull, he couldn't help but regret something. It has something to do with Reborn… yes… he regretted…

"**REBOORRRNNN! HAVE MY BREAKFAST AS IF I WERE TO DIE!**"

Tsuna jumped in front of the two kids still arguing, and snatched the egg from Lambo's hands before shoving it in his mouth, shell and all.


	2. Hosting Parties

_**A/N: **Nothing like sitting in bed with Grain Waves to get me into the writing mood eh?_

_**Warnings:** Contains bad language. Disappointing if you are offended by it, but oh well._

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**Hosting Parties**

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After last time's chaotic 'lesson' it was an understatement to say that Tsuna was a little worried when Reborn thrust the second lesson onto him.

The day started out normally. Tsuna went to school, fell asleep in class, was yelled at by the teacher… etc etc.

It was a blessing when lunch came, and Tsuna allowed himself to relax on the rooftop of Namimori as his two friends (and guardians) bickered as they did daily/hourly/minutely.

Tsuna leant back against the fence, stuffing the rice ball he held into his mouth with his eyes closed, enjoying the sun and the light breeze. Nothing could make this moment ba-

"Ciaossu."

And like a tonne of bricks, all hopes of a peaceful, uneventful day crashed down.

Tsuna groaned in horror as he squeezed his eyes shut, silently praying that he'd imagined that greeting. Too bad for him, God enjoys fucking with Tsuna's life.

"Yo, baby!" Yamamoto greeted casually, and Gokudera said a quick greeting.

Reborn turned to his student, who was pointedly ignoring him and eating his rice ball. Reborn decided to greet Tsuna personally with a kick to the head.

Tsuna cried out in pain and sorrow as the rice ball was knocked from his hand. He rubbed his head, muttering curses while Gokudera fretted over him.

But Reborn had already turned his attention to someone else, which was a welcome relief for Tsuna. For a while, at least. Reborn jumped onto Yamamoto's shoulder.

"I heard it was your birthday tomorrow, Yamamoto," Reborn said.

"Ahaha, that's right! I'm even gonna have a party!"

Apparently that was the right answer to a silent question, as Reborn's eyes glinted with mischief and a small smirk stretched across his face. Tsuna decided then and there to wing it, running towards the door.

Obviously he hadn't had the escaping lesson yet. (Spoilers~) Tsuna was given a second kick, this time to his back, causing him to face-plant on the hard surface known as the roof. Tsuna whimpered as Reborn began to talk as if he wasn't standing on someone's body.

"Say, Yamamoto. Would it be too much trouble to have the party at Dame-Tsuna's house?"

Tsuna stared at Yamamoto with pleading eyes. _Say no!_

"Sure thing, baby!" Yamamoto grinned, not noticing Tsuna and unknowingly sealing him to his doom.

Reborn hopped off Tsuna and onto the fence. _(Background: "Jyuudaime! Are you ok?")_

"Good. I assume you were planning to serve sushi at the party. Bring it to Dame-Tsuna's house, along with drinks and cups," Reborn said, his eyes absolutely gleaming with sadism.

"Sure thing kid!" Yamamoto replied happily.

Reborn then looked at Tsuna, who was picking himself up from the ground with the help of Gokudera.

"Dame-Tsuna, we are going to organize the party this afternoon. Don't be late home," he ordered and leapt off using Leon as a glider.

Tsuna shuddered in despair. _What's Reborn planning this time?_ He moaned in his head.

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Tsuna opened the front door and peeked inside; glancing around to make sure the baby hitman wasn't around. Sighing in relief when he saw no sign of him, he quickly made his way into his room and slammed the door shut, hoping to keep the baby out, wherever he had gone.

"Took you long enough."

"HIII!" Tsuna shrieked in fright and banged his head against the door backpedalling.

Reborn was sitting on the ground with his back to Tsuna, Reborn's Guide to Being a Mafia Boss, or as Tsuna called it, The Evil Thing, on his lap, open.

"Time for your second lesson, Dame-Tsuna," he said as he turned around.

Tsuna screamed in terror a second time as he saw mice crawling all over the hitman's face, and did the most logical thing anyone would do. He fainted.

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As Tsuna awoke, the feeling of suffocation worsened until finally he shot up, gasping for breath. The object that had been covering his face was The Evil Thing, opened to the second page.

_**Lesson 2. Hosting Parties. **Throughout the life of a Mafia Boss, having the ability to host a party will be a vital ability not only to gain support, but also show off to rival famiglia's said Boss' wealth and power without violence. Hosting a party can include anything from table arrangements to the right ornaments to the food served. Everything must be taken into account._

"Have you read it?" Reborn asked from the side.

"…Yeah…" Tsuna replied, knowing that there was no way to beat Reborn at his own game.

"Good. Yamamoto's birthday party won't require you to organize many things. But there are still some things that you can do. So quit dilly dallying and get some proper clothed on," Reborn said, and only then did Tsuna realise the racquet downstairs.

He gasped in horror and looked at his clock.

"…I was unconscious for that long!"

"That's right, Dame-Tsuna. Hurry up, before I shoot you," he threatened as Leon turned into his usual green gun.

Tsuna squealed as he ran to his wardrobe, sighing in relief when Reborn left the room. After putting changing from his school uniform into something casual, he slipped downstairs, preparing himself for what he would find.

It seemed like his whole class had been invited or something, as the party was very lively, even had soft pop music in the background. A large banner saying 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY YAMAMOTO~' was stretched across one wall, and streamers and various balloons were scattered everywhere.

Tsuna grunted as something heavy landed on his head. It was, of course, Reborn.

"Since this party is only small, and won't be _anything _like the parties you will host as Vongola Decimo-"

"What do you mean-" He yelped as the tiny hitman tugged some of his gravity defying hair.

"Though I did invite the Cavallone family to make it more similar-"

Tsuna cringed as he noticed Dino and his entourage being entertainers to the various students.

"So for now, we can focus on one thing…"

Tsuna could practically feel the evilness emanating from the baby.

"Jyuudaime!" a voice called, and he turned to see Gokudera heading his way. "Here Jyuudaime, have some-"

"Hey Tsuna! Have some cake!"

"Dammit Baseball-Freak! I was just about to offer some cake to Jyuudaime, and you just had to butt in with your lame cake-!"

"Ah, Gokudera-kun, it's ok! I'll eat your piece too!"

Tsuna sweat-dropped as Gokudera completely forgot about Yamamoto and his eyes glittered in happiness.

Yamamoto laughed cheerily, and Tsuna said a warm happy birthday to him.

"Hey kid! Would you like some cake too?" Yamamoto said and managed to mysteriously bring out a small plate with some cake on it.

Reborn smirked, "Why thank you, Yamamoto. If you don't mind, I'd like to hand out drinks to everyone."

"Sure thing kid! But are you sure you can do it yourself?"

Reborn hopped off Tsuna's head and landed on a nearby table. "Don't worry, I can handle it."

Before Yamamoto could reply, both he and Gokudera were swamped by fangirls, eager to talk to the two idols.

"-And when I say me, I really mean you Tsuna," Reborn finished.

"Why did I know you were going to say that!" Tsuna replied in fear.

If possible, the smirk on Reborn's face grew wider as he pointed to the fridge in the kitchen.

"Every host should be able to hand out refreshments to his guests-"

"I'm not the ho-!"

"So you can start practicing by getting out the soda from the fridge and pouring it into the plastic cups," Reborn said, mowing over Tsuna's protests.

Tsuna took a few deep breaths.

"Right, it's only handing out drinks, nothing to be worried about…" he mumbled to himself as he got out the large bottle of soda and started pouring them into the cups.

"Ahaha… nothing could possibly make this moment bad…" Tsuna mumbled in vain hope. He grabbed the first two cups to hand out when…

"Now now Tsuna, use your head. How could you possibly think you could hand out all those cups to people in a short time?"

Tsuna swallowed. "Er, then I should let them get the drinks themselves?"

"_Wrong_!"

None of the other people in the room seemed to notice when a baby in a suit brought out a green gun and pointed it at Tsuna.

"A good host never lets their guests get their own drink. So serve with your dying will!"

They did notice however when a gunshot was fired, and they all turned their attention to Tsuna as he lay on the ground.

"…What's up with Dame-Tsu-"

"**REEEEEBBOOOORRRNNNN! SERVE DRINKS AS IF I WERE TO DIE!**"

Girls screamed in shock as Tsuna seemed to rip out of his clothes, and jump up naked except for green boxers and a flame on his forehead. Tsuna grabbed almost all of the cups in his arms, crushing most and spilling more liquid than was saved.

"**IIIT'S SOOOODDDAAA TIIIMMMEEE!**" he roared and zipping around everyone, shoving a cup in their face, shouting, "**SODA! SODA! SODA! SODA! SODA!**"

"Oh my fuckin' God, he's mental!"

"Dame-Tsuna's of the rockers!"

"MOMMMYYY!"

"SHIT, WHEN DID HE ESCAPE? SOMEONE GET HIM OUTTA HERE, HE'S A FORGOTTEN CHARACTER!"

"IT'S THE TOMATO PERVERT!"

"**SODA! SODA! SODA! SODA! SODA!**"

"KYAAAAAA!"

Finally, the bullet's affects wore off, and Tsuna found himself sane again. Standing in the middle of the party. In only his boxers. With everyone staring at him. In his boxers.

Tsuna wailed in embarrassment and quickly ran upstairs to the safety of his own bedroom.

"Well, you managed to mentally scar many of your classmates and spilt soda everywhere, including on the guests. I'd label this lesson as a failure. You are running 50 extra laps in training tomorrow as punishment."

The voice of Reborn drilled into Tsuna's head, but even if he did want to scream, "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT YOU DAMN, SADISTIC, EVIL, GUN-TOTING SPARTAN TUTOR!" he knew he'd have to live with this moment the rest of his miserable life.

That day, Tsuna earned a new nickname besides Dame-Tsuna and Tomato Pervert.

Soda-Happy.

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To be continued~

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A/N: Muahahaha. I do enjoy torturing Tuna-fish.

Tsuna: I'm glad I'm owned by Amano Akira…


	3. Escape

_**A/N: **Time to start a new chapter!_

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**Escape**

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It was silly of Tsuna to assume that Reborn's tricks were over. But the last couple of days had been so quiet, so _normal_! He was finally beginning to sleep at night without the fear of waking up in a prison cell or something.

He woke up blearily that fine Sunday morning, stretched on the hard, concrete floor of his bed… what the…!

Tsuna's eyes flung open and he shot upright, blinking away the last vestiges of sleep as he looked around. He looked like he was in a small room with no windows, and only one door.

"What?" he mumbled as he rubbed his eyes.

As soon as the thought of kidnapping entered his mind, some static sounded from the speaker in the corner, and lo and behold, Reborn's voice came through.

"Good morning Dame-Tsuna, it's good to see that you are finally awake. This is your third lesson towards becoming a good Mafia Boss. Allow me to read it out."

Tsuna was lightly bashing his head against the wall, muttering under his breath at another day ruined by the Devil.

"_**Lesson Three. Escape. **__A Mafia Boss is always a target for kidnappings, mainly from rival families or childhood friends turned evil by some traumatic event. If a Mafia Boss wants to be successful, said person must be able to survive such captures and be able to escape from any situation._"

"That doesn't mean you should kidnap me, Reborn!" Tsuna shouted at the speakers, half believing that he couldn't hear him.

"What better way to learn than to practice, Dame-Tsuna," Reborn's voice replied, dripping with amusement. "Your mission is to find your way out of this building in less than two hours. There is no one else in the building, but there are several… obstacles, shall we call them."

Tsuna could _feel _his smirk.

"If you don't make it, I'll be sure to attend your funeral. Good luck~" and with that, the speaker fizzed out.

Tsuna groaned in utter despair. The only good thing about this was that since no one was around, he wouldn't have to humiliate himself in front of anyone. He assured himself that whatever happened within this building would never see the light of day.

He got up and headed to the door. Expecting the handle to be alive with electricity or something, he inched forward and tapped the handle, pulling away quickly in preparation. But thankfully it was just a normal handle.

He swiftly pulled the handle down and peeked outside. It was a long corridor, so he could go either way. He shrugged, and was about to head left when… in the distance to his left, it was a sound. High pitched, like beeps, no wait… yips?

_Oh God… it's-!_

The thing came rushing around the corner, its disproportionate to its head eyes gleaming and his little tail wagging in the air as it bounded towards Tsuna.

A Chihuahua.

"HIIIIIIIIIII!" Tsuna screeched and bolted down the corridor to his right, swerving around corners until finally he couldn't hear those horrible barks again.

He sighed in relief… until he looked around at where he had run to. A large room connected to the corridor he was in. The only exit was backwards and the door at the far end of the room.

Oh, and did I mention that instead of a floor it was a large pit with FREAKING POINTY SPIKES?

Tsuna eeped and turned around, only to witness a large steel barrier slam down, blocking the corridor. Now Tsuna had to get past the pit to the other door.

"…I DON'T THINK KIDNAPPERS WOULD HAVE A PIT OF SPIKES!" he shouted out to the room.

As if to mock him, the room echoed back his voice.

**Pit of spikes…Pit of spikes… Spikes… Spikes…**

It was then that Tsuna noticed a long metal beam, from one end of the pit to the other. He put two and two together.

"Ohhhh no. HELL no. I am SO NOT-"

**CREAAAAAK! **

Tsuna looked back in horror as the metal barrier began MOVING CLOSER.

"Hiiii! I'm gonna dieeeee!" he screamed as he quickly scrambled towards the beam and crawled onto it, clutching it for dear life. The metal barrier stopped short of the edge, so now the only way was across the beam.

Tsuna whimpered and shuffled forward at snail's pace, trying to think happy thoughts.

"It's not all bad, I mean it's not like there are life threatening spi- errrr it's not like I have no idea how to get ou- ummmm it's not like I've become the puppet of an evil mastermi- SCREW THAT."

Tsuna took a deep breath and carried on with determination.

_I'm gonna make it! _He thought as he passed the centre. _Nothing could possibly make this b- OH WAIT NO I DIDN'T MEAN IT-!_

**SQUEAKYSQEAAAAAKKKKKK!**

The beam he was on was spinning! Slowly at first, but as the seconds went by the rotations began getting faster and faster.

Poor Tsuna wasn't moving forward anymore, completely focused on hugging the beam and screaming curses at Reborn, tears streaming down his face.

"CURSE YOU REBORN YOU EVIL HORRIBLE MEAN STUPID BABY-FACED SUIT-WEARING TRIGGER-HAPPY _SON OF A BI_-!"

Finally he couldn't hold on any longer and he was sent flying towards the side, flailing everywhere and wailing loudly. A section of the wall slid open and Tsuna flew in.

"OOF, URK, OW, UMPH, GAH!" He was battered and bruised as he slid down a dark shaft, which happened to have many bends and twists in it. Eventually he popped out into light and landed heavily on the ground.

He sat there for a while, gasping for breath.

"…I'm still alive!"

He slumped back, hoping to lie down for a while, but something was underneath his back while the top of his body kept going, causing him to arch painfully.

"Ow ow owwwwww!" he whimpered and rolled off of whatever had cause him so much pain. It was a black helmet, like a motorcycle helmet with a clear visor. Attached to the top of the helmet was a note.

_I suggest you put this on if you don't want a concussion._

At that moment, Tsuna felt rebellious, and huffed, looking away.

"I'm not gonna play your games anymore Reborn!"

What he didn't expect to happen was several parts of the wall sliding open, and out came… RIFLE GUNS.

He screamed and grabbed the helmet as the barrels of the guns locked onto the boy. He slid the helmet on and ducked just as a shot aimed at his head flew past and slammed into the wall with a splat. …A splat?

Tsuna gaped at the wall, now with a splatter of fluoro-pink paint.

"What the-?"

He didn't finish as another shot was fired, and it hit his arm, showering him with orange paint. He cried out in surprise and pain and started sprinting to the only door in the room.

Too bad he had to cross the entire room to get to it, and the room was huge. There were also several cubes on the ground, large enough for Tsuna to hide behind.

But 3 seconds after he hid behind them the cube would start sinking into the floor.

"THIS ISN'T A LESSON IT'S A MILITARY COURSE!" Tsuna screeched at nothing as another paint ball struck his leg.

God those things HURT!

And to top it off, the theme music to Mission Impossible was playing in the background.

Tsuna swore loudly as he leapt through the door.

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After what felt like an eternity of rooms after rooms, Tsuna was exhausted. The things he went through but not limited to are:

Escaping from a room filling up with water.

Meeting the Chihuahua again.

Fishing for a key to the door. Literally, with a fishing rod.

Outrunning a train inside a tunnel. (_How did they get a train in here!_)

Jumping across pedestals.

Sitting in a room forced to watch Barney for 10 minutes.

Solving easy maths problems that seemed to be very hard for Tsuna.

Walking in a smoke filled room, and after a while figuring out that he had indeed been walking around in circles.

Forced to unlock a door by playing that frustrating game with the four colors and you have to copy which ones light up in which order.

Following strange signs saying things like Gotham City that made no sense to him.

Meeting the Chihuahua… a third time.

Tsuna was about ready to give up as he stood up, having had to crawl through thick brush. A white door stood before him, and an emergency exit sign alight above it. Tsuna stared nervously at it, not believing for a second that it was actually the exit. But there was nowhere else to go so…

The door creaked open, and Tsuna stepped out into the sun, bathing in its blessed rays. Never had he felt such happiness at being outside! The birds were chirping, the waves crashing… the what!

Tsuna frantically looked around at his surroundings. A large one story building was behind him, so he must have been underground the whole time. But as he glanced around he noticed that the sea in front of him went around, and kept going in a circle…

"I'M ON AN ISLAND?"

Something on the small beach caught his eye. It was a clear bottle, and inside was a piece of paper rolled up. He grabbed it up before it could be washed away and popped off the cork. He slowly unravelled it.

_Dear Dame-Tsuna. Congratulations on escaping the building._

Tsuna elatedly grinned, but that was soon wiped off his face.

_Too bad you were 9 minutes and 47 seconds past the deadline, so you fail this lesson. You are doing 100 extra sit-ups tomorrow as punishment._

_A chopper will pick you up soon._

_Sincerely, Reborn._

Tsuna just sat there and cried, not even questioning the fact that Reborn couldn't possibly have known when he got out, so the time was fake.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Oi, Colonello."

The blond haired baby in military gear and a bandana turned to the voice. It was Reborn, and he was holding a CD.

"A gift for allowing me to use your facility, Colonello," he said and chucked him the CD. "Tsuna is most amusing, feel free to make copies of that."

Colonello grinned, not quite as sadistically as Reborn but still with an evil glint.

"Why thank you. Did you use the Barney clip?"

"Of course."

"Haha, you are evil."

"Of course."

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To be continued…

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A/N: Beware Barney O.o

Not as chaotic as the previous chappies, but I hope it was still funny :D

I think that color game is Simon, but I'm not sure.

Reviews are loved! And someone reviewed in a suggestion for things I should do, which I thought was a great idea! So review to suggest your Reborn lesson ;)


	4. Seduction

_**A/N:** Time for another chapter! I'm leaving for China on the 10th, so won't be able to update every day. ;o;_

_I had been meaning to write this idea, and a reviewer also asked for this, so pressie for you, **silent-insaneminako**, one of two loyal reviewers 33_

_**Warning:** Contains BL/Shounen ai hints. If you don't like that, feel free to skip this chapter D;;_

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**Seduction  
><strong>

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Tsuna only had to wait 10 minutes before a black chopper slowly faded into sight. He just sighed and shielded his face as the helicopter set itself down, churning up sand. He stepped inside and slumped in the seat, putting on the headphones handed to him by Reborn.

"How did you even get me here without waking me up…?" Tsuna asked/screamed since it was so loud inside.

"I drugged you, how else?" he replied with a happy smirk.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

_4 days later…_

Yamamoto and Gokudera had come over after school to Tsuna's house to study for a test. Tsuna was freaking out, not understanding a thing in his textbook, and Gokudera wasn't helping with his colloquial mumble jumble, and Yamamoto was just laughing as he watched Tsuna scrunch up his face in confusion.

Despite this, at least Reborn wasn't around to spoil Tsuna's day.

Tsuna bashed his head onto the table as the fedora wearing baby appeared. Tsuna swore that the only reason Reborn was alive was to torment his soul in preparation for Hell.

"Ciaosuu. Since you are all here, it would be a good time to start your next lesson, Dame-Tsuna."

Gokudera and Yamamoto looked questioningly at Tsuna, having no idea what Reborn was talking about. Tsuna was attempting to bury himself within his textbooks. Anything, even _school work_ was better than another _lesson _with Reborn.

Reborn smirked and brought out the Guide, setting it on the table with a loud thud. With the book open, they all looked inside and choked.

_**Lesson Four. Seduction. **__In the world of the Mafia, seduction is an important skill to have if a Boss wants to be successful. If used correctly, a Boss can compel someone to betray others and become said Boss' ally, make the person their inside spy, and above all, reveal any important information. Be aware that a Boss can become the victim of seduction, and must learn to ignore these advances._

Tsuna just stared blankly at the words, caught up at the first 'Seduction'. Gokudera was bright red and Yamamoto was scratching his head in confusion.

"As you can see, the power of seduction is more subtle than Boss Mode, but can be equally as powerful, if not more so. This is a vital skill for you to learn, Dame-Tsuna."

Tsuna just spluttered at the hitman. "I'm not gonna go around _seducing _people Reborn!"

Reborn looked affronted. "Of course not Dame-Tsuna."

Tsuna sighed in relief.

"You can't even confess your love to a crush."

Tsuna just groaned in despair.

"What I really want to work on is the last part. Resisting seduction can be enough for now."

He shivered, not liking one bit where this was heading. Reborn turned to Gokudera.

"You will seduce Dame-Tsuna. Go!" he commanded.

Gokudera just let out a sound like a squeak, his face burning red and his eyes going all swirly. Tsuna was just gaping, unable to comprehend what was going on.

"Meeee… seduuuuce… Jyuu-Jyuu… I couldn't…" he mumbled in a haze.

"If you do, I will recognise you as Dame-Tsuna's right hand man," Reborn said, pulling out the trump card.

Gokudera's eyes widened, and his head dropped, his silver bangs shielded his face. Tsuna looked worriedly at his friend, when…

Huge green eyes that sparkled and glistened looked up into Tsuna's own eyes, a hint of red on his cheeks. You could almost see the flowers blooming in the background, and maybe a puppy dog tail wagging behind.

"_Jyuuudaiiimeee_, _did I ever mention how amazing you look…_"

Tsuna sat rigidly, blushing wildly and unable to move from horror at what he was listening to.

"…_**ed when you were standing in the middle of the street in only your orange boxers with blue swirly patterns on it and you commanded me to bow down before youuuuuuu…**__" _

For the second time that day, Tsuna smashed his head onto the table. "I thought I was over that~!" he wailed in sadness and embarrassment at the horrible memory.

"Gokudera…" Reborn muttered, his eyes shaded. "**Get some seduction lessons next time.**" Leon turned into a hammer and he whacked Gokudera on the head. The body hit the wall, and he slumped, unconscious.

"Hiii, you didn't have to kill him Reborn!" Tsuna shouted and ran over to check on the apparently lifeless body.

"Don't worry, he's not dead." Reborn looked at Yamamoto, who had been watching the whole thing with a blank face, not really understanding what was happening.

"It's your turn Yamamoto. Try seducing Tsuna."

"What the- Reborn! Besides, both Gokudera-kun and Yamamoto are guys!" Tsuna exclaimed.

Reborn just rolled his eyes, and said one sentence that would make Tsuna cry in horror for days to come.

"You're just that **uke**, Dame-Tsuna."

Tsuna stared slack-jawed at Reborn. He opened his mouth to deny this when a pair of large hands grabbed his face and turned it. Yamamoto was staring deeply into his eyes. A little too deeply for Tsuna's comfort.

"_You know, Tsuna… You have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen… and your soft spiky hair…"_

Tsuna was blushing red by now, head still held in Yamamoto's hands.

"…_**would really get in the way if you tried to put on a baseball helmet on it, and then your hair would be pressed down into a bowl shape which would look funny-**__"_

**Whack!**

And Yamamoto was out~

Reborn was rubbing the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "Can't your guardians do anything right…?"

Tsuna just glared at the baby. "Does this mean that the lesson is over?" he said as he made to get up from his kneeling position when his school tie was grabbed and he was brought back down, staring into black obsidian eyes.

"It's my turn."

Tsuna gawked at Reborn.

"_Since the day we first met all those years ago, you have drawn me in with your chocolate brown eyes and your fair skin. Every time I look at you, my heart beats faster, and an emotion I've never felt before rushes through my veins. Every time we touch, the warmth of your skin breaks through to my soul, and it radiates within me. Is this love?_"

**Thud.**

Tsuna had fainted.

Reborn chuckled and let go of the tie, brushing imaginary dust from his shoulders.

"Too easy," he stated and left the room, but not before leaving behind a note or Tsuna.

_Dame-Tsuna. You fail. We will definitely have to work on this. 100 extra push-ups tomorrow._

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Two days after that, Tsuna looked at his test results. He got 50 points. He blinked at the score, before searching his paper to see how he could have possibly gotten such a high mark.

Question 4: Describe what happens when someone does not get enough oxygen to their lungs.

Answer: The lack of oxygen for the brain causes the person to become light-headed, and can lead to fainting.

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**To be continued…**

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_**A/N:** Yes, I know its short, and I'm sorry!_

_But I hope you liked it~~_


	5. Boss Meetings

A/N: By the time you probably read this, it would have been a while since I last updated. That's cause there was NO INTERNET IN THE HOUSE I WAS STAYING IN RAWWRRRRRR!

Edit: Yay! Interneeetttttt! Myy preciousss.

*Cough* Right, well then at least I should have written many chapters for this story, but again, I'm veery sorry if you thought I died…

Chapter inspiration partially from a loyal reviewer ReinaSaurus. **Note to Reina: Probably not what you were looking for sorry . I'll probably write another chapter in a diff lesson where he does actually attempt to subdue his powerful guardians, so stick around!** So here ya go, chapter 5. CONTAINS BAD LANGUAGE.

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**Boss Meetings**

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He should have expected this. He _really_ should have expected this.

One day, when Tsuna becomes an old man, (if he lives to that day) he is going to write a biography about himself. And the title of this wondrous book?

**The Screwed Up Life of Sawada Tsunayoshi.**

Reborn called it a meeting between two bosses.

Meeting, of course, meaning passive aggressive combat while sitting in chairs.

Actually, not so passive, as Tsuna looked blearily at his guardians, who had decided to chuck food at the members of the Varia, and vice versa. He wondered what he did in his previous life to cause this life to be so screwed up.

Scratch that, what in the world did _all _of his previous lives do to allow the Devil Incarnation himself to become his 'Home Tutor'?

_**A While Ago…**_

Tsuna stumbled into his house, mumbling a small "I'm home" to no one in particular and trudged up stairs. Everything went wrong that day. He was late to school, almost beaten up by Hibari, he got a 10 on his mathematics test, he was bullied, he was embarrassed by Gokudera's blatant loyalty to him, making people curious as to their exact relationship with each other… He just wanted to lie in his bed and sleep his troubles away.

**Yeah right.**

As soon as he stepped inside his bedroom, a noose wrapped around his ankle and he was flipped, screaming in surprise, and was hung upside down.

"Welcome home~"

Reborn was sitting in front of him in a small chair, sipping Espresso calmly. Leon was chilling on his fedora, as usual.

"Get me down from here!" Tsuna shouted as he struggled, not getting anywhere.

"Not until you listen to my proposition," he replied cheerfully.

"…What proposition…?" Tsuna asked, suspicion creeping through his voice.

A smirk appeared on the baby's face. "How does an entire 2 weeks off training sound?"

Tsuna's struggles immediately stopped and he stared at the hitman in surprise, before suspicion once again set in.

"What do I have to do in return…?"

"Heh, you catch on quite quickly," Reborn said, and in a moment of rare mercy decided to let Tsuna down.

By shooting the rope.

Let's just say that it resulted in Tsuna moaning on the floor holding his traumatized head.

"You remember the Varia, yes?" Reborn asked the body on the floor.

Tsuna just moaned louder at the none too fond memories of that group.

"You see, Dame-Tsuna, the Varia can become a powerful ally for you, such as becoming an assassination squad."

Tsuna shot up from the ground. "I'm not gonna have an _assassination squad_ Reborn!" he cried out.

His reply was a kick to the head.

"The future says otherwise," Reborn said to the once again moaning body on the floor. "Anyway, regardless of what they become, they are still powerful, and you are going to have a meeting with them."

"No," Tsuna flatly refused. Calling the Varia violent was an understatement.

"Two weeks off training~~"

Tsuna pursed his lips. Two weeks off hellish training with the Spartan Reborn, or a meeting with a group that wanted to kill him for stealing their places as Vongola Boss/Guardians.

Apparently Reborn got impatient, because he pointed a gun at his head and said, "Meet with the Varia, or I shoot you in the head instead."

"Hiiiii! Ok ok I'll do it!"

Reborn smiled gleefully and said, "Good. And if you get the Varia on our side, you get the two weeks off training as a reward. If you don't… let's just say the position for Vongola Decimo will be open again."

Tsuna whimpered at the threat.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Tsuna didn't know how Reborn had done it, but he has somehow managed to round up all of his guardians. Yes, even the wandering skylark Hibari, who was probably bribed with a fight for his troubles. Mukuro and Chrome were also present, Mukuro having been released from the Vindice last year.

Of course, the meeting with the Varia really could have gone better without them… or any of the other guardians on that matter.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

When Tsuna stepped outside that morning to find a sleek black limousine parked outside his house he just gaped at it, unsure of what to make of the expensive looking car that had also caught the attention of bystanders and his neighbours.

And he almost cried out in horror when his baby tutor greeted the chauffeur.

"Wh-What is that!" Tsuna spluttered, pointing a finger at the limo.

"It's a limousine, Dame-Tsuna," Reborn replied with a huff.

Tsuna just groaned. "I know what it is, Reborn! I mean what the hell is it doing here?"

The hitman rolled his eyes, before kicking Tsuna inside (the door held open by the driver).

The trip to wherever the driver was taking them was short and silent, Tsuna too nervous about the meeting to say anything, and Reborn sipping a steaming cup of Espresso.

It turned out to be a hotel, and they were lead to a large private room, with a long table that already had some entrees on it such as garlic bread and nuts.

"JYUUDAAIMEEEE!"

But what made Tsuna really want to run away was the sight of all his guardians sitting on one side of the table.

Gokudera quickly rose from his seat and went to him before bowing exuberantly. "Good morning!" he greeted loudly.

This didn't make Tsuna feel any better, but it was a normal sight for him. He replied nervously, as to the others. An EXTREME reply, a soft reply, a happy reply, an evil reply, an arrogant reply and no reply at all was what he got.

"You sit here, Dame-Tsuna," Reborn said from his position on the corner next to a chair situated at the end of the long table. With resignation he sat in the chair.

_**BANG!**_

Tsuna shrieked and flung himself backwards, crashing into the floor.

"VOOOIIIIIIIII! I SEE YOU'VE ALL COME TO DIEEEE!"

This isn't the first time Tsuna wished the ground would swallow him whole.

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An awkward silence was in the air. More accurately, a murderous silence was in the air as the Varia glared poison daggers at Tsuna's guardians opposite to themselves, and mostly met with equally menacing daggers right back at them.

Tsuna was trying to sink lower into his seat to avoid all of this, but Reborn kept yanking his collar and forcing him back up. Xanxus was draped across the large chair at the far end looking like a king, with his leg over the armrest. He seemed to be napping too.

Finally, Reborn pulled out The Evil Thing and flipped to the next lesson for Tsuna to see. He was not looking forward to seeing what was written at all, but what choice did he have…?

_**Lesson 5. Boss Meetings. **__The purpose of meetings between Bosses can be varied, but includes peace-making, negotiations and alliances. Only highest ranks next to the Boss should be present. A Boss must learn to be able to handle these meetings with control and ease, if said Boss wishes to be successful._

Tsuna gave Reborn a look, clearly saying 'Why the Varia!'

Reborn grinned. "Why not? You are the Boss, Tsuna, so start talking," he ordered.

Tsuna looked at everyone, who were all staring at him. Now, Tsuna was never good at speech making. Or public speaking. He used to throw up or faint when he did his speeches.

"Uh, um… a-allian-nce… assassination- I mean, ummm, together… Von…gola?"

Reborn frowned at the lack of courage displayed, while most of the people in the room didn't understand the mumbling. Gokudera on the other hand…

Shooting up from his chair near Tsuna, he pointed a finger at the Varia and shouted, "Jyuudaime! We couldn't possibly make an alliance with those fleabags!"

"VOOIIII! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL US?"

"I CALLED YOU FLEABAGS YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!"

"I DARE YOU TO SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME, BRAT!"

"EXTREEMMEE! YOU SHOULD ALL KEEP YOUR VOICES DOWWWWNNNN!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP TURF-TOP, I'M TALKING TO THE VARIA SCUM!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING TURF-TOP? YOU OCTOPUS-HEAD!"

"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, CALLING US SCUM?"

"Maa maa Gokudera, calm down."

"SCREW YOU BASEBALL FREAK! AND I'M NOT AN OCTOPUS HEAD TURF-TOP!"

"Kufufu, this is interesting."

"VOOIIIII, YOU'RE ALL FUCKIN' DEAD! ESPECIALLY YOU, DECIMO!"

"Shi shi shi."

"OI, WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE THREATENING YOU BASTARD, I'LL SHOVE THESE DYNAMITES UP YOUR ASS!"

"JUST TRY IT YOU POOR EXCUSE FOR A RIGHT-HAND MAN!"

"YOU THINK YOU'RE A BETTER RIGHT-HAND MAN THAN ME? YOU'RE FUCKING DELUSIONAL!"

"OH MYYYY~~! WHATCHING THIS IS SO HOOTT! 33"

"I think this is getting a bit out of hand…"

"NYAHAHAHA! BOW DOWN TO THE GREAT LAMBO-SAMA!"

"IN YOUR DREAMS, YOU STUPID COW!"

"VOOOII, YOU STINKING BRAT, WHO WOULD BOW DOWN TO YOU!"

"YOU VARIA SCUM SHOULD ALL BOW DOWN TO THE VONGOLA, ASSHOLE!"

"WE'D RATHER EAT OURSELVES THAN BOW DOWN TO ANY OF YOU FUCKERS!"

"OH YEAH? THEN EAT THIS, MOTHER FUCKER!"

Gokudera grabbed a slice of garlic bread and chucked it at Squalo.

And this started the giant food fight. Many were doing it for fun, like Yamamoto, who threw pieces of fish, and Lambo was throwing nuts like grenades. Then there were those who didn't participate at all like Hibari and Viper, who refused to throw food like children, and were quietly leaving the room.

Poor Tsuna crawled under the table to escape the food-turned-weapons, whimpering. "Hiii, this is a disaster! What am I going to do?"

"Dame-Tsuna…"

He eeped and slowly turned to see the small figure, clearly holding a green gun in his tiny hand.

"You're the Boss, so stop this fight with your dying will!"

_**BANG!**_

…

…

"**REEEBBOOORRRNNN! CONTROL THIS MEETING AS IF I WERE TO DIEEE!"**

Tsuna shot upright, crashing right through the table, splitting it apart. The collision cause all the bowls and plates of food to fly into the air, hitting the roof and splattering things everywhere. Everyone froze as they watching one particular plate of various dips sailed through the air, flipping and heading straight towards…

_**SPLAT!**_

Silence filled the air as they all watched Xanxus open his eyes. If they weren't so shocked, they would be laughing at the sight of various colored sauces dripping all over his head.

"…What. The. F-"

"**XAAANNNXXUUUSSSS!**" Tsuna jumped on a piece of the broken table and slammed his hands down in front of him.

"**I'M YOUR BOSS! AND YOU WILL BECOME MY ASSASSINATION SQUAAADDD!**"

It was then that the fire went out, and Tsuna was left staring blankly at Xanxus. Xanxus' eyes were shaded, but there was an obvious twitch in his eyebrow, and a deadly aura was rolling off of him in waves.

"Oooh, he so dead…" someone in the background muttered.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The manager of the hotel was having a wonderful morning. The hotel was running smoothly, the profits had been steadily going up, and the hotel itself had just passed its safety inspection. As he was sitting in his office, someone knocked urgently on his door.

"Uhhh, sir? We've had several complaints about noise on the 3rd floor, and all of the other staff are busy."

"Ah, I'll check on it. Nothing to worry about."

He hummed to the elevator music as he went up, and exited. He walked towards the only large dining room that was occupied. But what confused him was that there was no sound at all coming from the room. But since there were so many complaints, he thought it would be best if he checked on the occupants to see what had been going on. But a bit of a distance away from the door…

_**BOOOMM!**_

The double doors exploded outwards, and the manager only had a split second to shriek in surprise before he was forced to dive to the side to avoid the mob of people coming out. The first group were mostly screaming in terror as they ran to the staircase, led by a boy in only his bright yellow boxers.

Close behind was a large person holding guns, and another group behind him, who looked intent on killing the escaping group.

Only when the two groups had disappeared downstairs did the manager shakily rise from the ground shakily, unable to understand what the hell had just happened. He tried to shake off the shock, and went to the room they had exited.

What he saw was a completely trashed room with food everywhere, even on the ceiling, and the long expensive table in the middle of the room split apart.

"Wha-wha-wha-wha…" he blubbered incomprehensively, before deciding that the best way to handle this situation was to faint.

Sitting in the corner of the devastated room was Reborn, sitting on a Leon stool drinking a cup of Espresso. A devilish smile was stretched across his face, evident that he had thoroughly enjoyed that little show.

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_Dear Dame-Tsuna,_

_While you recover in the hospital along with some of your guardians that didn't manage to escape the Varia, I would like to helpfully inform you that you did not pass this lesson. But note that you did not completely fail either. So for the two weeks you need to recover from your injuries, there is no need to do any training. Of course, after that the training for the following two weeks training will be increased 10 fold. Get well soon~_

_Sincerely,  
>Reborn.<em>

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_**To be continued…**_

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Done! Wow, that was a long chapter! Atleast longer than any of the others. I'm not sure how well this chapter will be received though, cause it kinda seemed messy to me and not like the other chapters, but we'll see. xP

Sorry for missing out on most of the Varia, since I don't really know them that well, and there's no internet at the moment for me to research.

Apologies for any grammar mistakes!

Anyways, I'll start writing the next chapter~ And please review! Nothing makes an author's day more than a review. ^0^

_**Teaser~**_

"_There's nothing like knowing how to bake a cake to toughen up your Boss image, Dame-Tsuna."_

"_How is leaning how to bake supposed to 'toughen up my Boss image' Reborn?"_

_Reborn stared innocently at Tsuna. "Don't you know? We are coming into a new age, a society of food. Soon whoever has the better food will have a stronger position in the Mafia world. How a famiglia masters cooking will determine a famigila's worth."_

"…_That's bullshit isn't it? You just want me to make you a cake."_

"_I'm hurt, Dame-Tsuna," he replied, but the smirk on his face said otherwise._


	6. Hostage

**A/N:** Ahem…

OMFG I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING FOR SO LONG! First it's school, which really gets me depressed, then my sis goes and takes the only laptop in the house with her to Uni! Q.Q So now I can't write in bed… And I have no wi-fi, so usually when I use the laptop it's for offline stuff and the desktop is for internet. Now I have to waste time on the desktop writing. (Mum usually kicks me off)

Most of you would have skipped all that.

**So anyways, this chapter is a present for Tokahlia, who is also my friend in real life, so sorry if you were looking forward to the cake chap, it should come up soon.**

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**Hostage**

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T'was a dark and stormy night…

Then in the morning it was nice and sunny. (There wasn't even any sign or dampness from the supposed storm)

Our dear little Tuna- I mean Tsuna was sleeping rather soundly, dreaming of birds chirping and Kyoko singing and his body being thrown side to side as if he was lying in a moving vehicle.

Tsuna's eyes snapped open, and only had a split second to clear his eyes before his face met with the unforgiving metallic wall.

"OOWWWWWIIIEEEEEEEE!" he wailed in pain, rolling around on the floor of whatever he was in and clutching his abused face.

"Jyuudaime~!"

_Nooooooooooooo~~ _Tsuna cried in his head, because whenever _Gokudera's _voice is the first thing he hears when he awakes, _nothing _will go right that day.

Tsuna lifted his head, and saw a man dressed in all black and a balaclava on his head bouncing towards him. Tsuna just screeched in terror at the sight, covering his head with his arms, muttering, "It's all a dream, just a dream…"

"Maa maa Tsuna! Isn't this fun?"

And whenever he hears _Yamamoto's _happy voice when he sees nothing to be happy about, Tsuna gets even more regretful about waking up at all.

"Dame-Tsuna, focus already!" a voice obviously from Reborn came from beside him.

Now Tsuna wanted to die, because just a single word from _Reborn_ incurs all the misfortunes ever created in the world. And sics it onto Tsuna.

Yamamoto was sitting on the side of the van (Tsuna found out pretty quickly) also clad in black, but his balaclava was lying beside him. He stretched out his hand, giving a balaclava to Tsuna.

"The kid said you should wear it for the game we are playing!" he said cheerfully.

_What kind of game requires us to wear **balaclavas **as if we're about to rob a bank?_

"We aren't robbing a bank," Reborn stated helpfully.

Tsuna allowed himself to relax a little.

"We're kidnapping someone." Reborn chirped.

Tsuna immediately attempted to open the double doors at the back of the van, but Reborn just wacked him into the side seats.

"Pick your weapon of choice."

Tsuna blinked and looked at the box Reborn was holding out. There were two objects, one was a black gun, and the other was a banana.

Seeing the most harmless one, he took the banana.

"It's good to see you are showing some Boss initiative, Dame-Tsuna," Reborn said, casually peeling the banana, which had a yellow gun inside. He also picked up the black gun and fired it, which turned out to only be a toy, which shot out a flag saying '**LET'S BE FRIENDS!**'

Tsuna just gaped at the very real gun in his hand and Reborn took out the dreaded book.

"_**Lesson 6. Hostage.**_ _Kidnapping is a stereotypical image of a Boss. It's also a very accurate one. Hostages can be very useful in getting what said Boss wants, and also gives said Boss a fearsome reputation as someone not to be trifled with._" Reborn read aloud.

Tsuna whimpered into his hands.

"W-Who are we kidnapping?" he exclaimed in disbelief.

Reborn just smirked, and the van came to a screeching halt. Tsuna was thrown forwards, between the two front seats. Tsuna stared at the driver.

"Shamal?" Tsuna shouted.

Shamal just rolled his eyes. "Hmph," he muttered, "blame the baby." He put a hand on Tsuna's face and shoved him backwards.

By then, the back doors had been opened, and Tsuna was flung outside, into what appeared to be a busy street with many shops lining it.

"Sawada! You EXTREMELY popped out of nowhere!"

Tsuna turned his head around, and found the Sun guardian standing in front of him with some plastic bags in each hand.

"Onii-sa-!"

"Target found. Grab him."

Gokudera and Yamamoto hopped out of the van and grabbed Ryohei, dragging him into the van. Reborn gave a sharp kick to the gawping Tsuna, causing him to be knocked inside too.

The van doors slammed shut and shrieked away, while bystanders just blinked in shock at what had just occurred.

Once inside, Tsuna quickly righted himself and pointed a finger at Reborn.

"Why did you kidnap Onii-san?" he shouted.

"He's the hostage," Reborn said simply.

"SAWADA! THIS IS AN EXTREEEME ROAD TRIP! WHERE ARE WE HEADING TO THE EXTREEEMMEEE!"

"We're heading towards Dame-Tsuna's house," Reborn said, somehow instantly transformed from suit to his Pao Pao costume. "We're playing a hostage game. Pao~"

"Master Pao Pao!" A fire was lit in his eyes. "EXTREEMMMEE! THIS GAME IS EXCITING!"

"How is this a game?" Tsuna wailed.

"Would you SHUT UP, you damn TURF-TOP!" Gokudera snapped, ripping off his own balaclava.

"EXTREEMME! SO YOU ARE PLAYING THIS GAME TOO, OCTOPUS-HEAD?"

"I'M NOT AN OCTOPUS-HEAD, TURF-TOP! YOU'RE TOO LOUD!"

"Maa maa, take it easy, we're playing a game aren't we?"

"Pao~!" Reborn piped, innocent written all across his face.

Tsuna wished this chaos would all just disappear from his life.

Shamal parked the car beside Tsuna's house, but they didn't exit. Instead, Reborn placed a large map onto the floor of the van. (He had returned to his mafia persona)

"Here's the plan. Gokudera will give this note to Kyoko, and she will obviously read the letter, and be forced to come to Dame-Tsuna's house-"

"Wait wait WHAT? This is about Kyoko-chan?" Tsuna screamed.

"Yup! Here's the threatening note for her," Reborn replied happily, giving him the note to read.

_Dear Sasagawa Kyoko._

_**We have your brother**._

_Go to Sawada Tsunayoshi's house at 5 pm today in a dress fit for a date if you ever want to see your precious brother alive again._

_P.S. Come with an empty stomach._

Tsuna just stared in horror at the words, before ripping it to shreds.

"There is no way I'm gonna let you do that!" he shouted.

Reborn looked up innocently. "But Gokudera has already gone to give the copy to her," he stated.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!" he howled, launching out of the van to chase after his self-proclaimed right hand man.

"Sawada can run fast TO THE EXTREME!" Ryohei shouted.

"Go Tsuna!" Yamamoto cheered. Of course neither of them remotely understood what was going on.

Reborn sat in the corner with a computer showing multiple camera videos. He was cackling with evil glee on the inside.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"No Gokudera-kun, stop!" Tsuna cried out after the Storm guardian, who apparently saw this as a mission of utmost importance, since he was running furiously and not paying any attention to Tsuna's voice.

Tsuna's eyes widened in horror as Kyoko's house loomed closer and closer.

_Noooo, my life is ruined forever! Kyoko-chan will read the note, think I kidnapped her brother and hate me for the rest of eternityyyy! _Tsuna ranted inside his head.

Gokudera dramatically stomped up the steps to the front door, and Tsuna flung himself at him just Gokudera pressed the doorbell.

_**Bing Booooonnnngggg~**_

The dreaded sadistic doorbell echoed through Tsuna's ears.

_Right, I'll move to the mountains, become a hermit, eat innocent rabbits and die a lonely death. It won't be all bad…_

Tsuna began sobbing in depression.

Gokudera finally noticed that Tsuna had been chasing him the whole time, and almost screamed at the state he was in. Having had to chase after the very fit Gokudera for atleast 10 minutes, and finally having a mental breakdown, you could say he was looking pretty roughed up at the moment.

So of course Gokudera had to misinterpret his pain.

"Jyuudaime, there's no need to be sad! We have reached Kyoko-san's house now!"

If anything, Tsuna just cried louder.

The door finally opened, and Kyoko blinked at the sight of the two boys.

"Huh? Ts-Tsuna-kun? And Gokudera?"

Tsuna just stared at her with tears in his eyes and his lips quivering. Gokudera beamed and shoved the note into her hands.

Silence ensued as they watched Kyoko read the note. Tsuna was about ready to collapse in despair and Gokudera was casually throwing thumbs up at him.

Kyoko just blinked at the words.

"Err, I'm so sorry Tsuna-kun! I don't understand what this means…"

"It means exactly what is says!" Gokudera helpfully explained.

"Kyoko-chaan, its time for lunch!" a voice from inside sounded.

"Yes mom! Sorry Gokudera-kun, Tsuna-kun, I'll let you explain what this means afterwards, see you later!" she said, and gave the note back to Gokudera before shutting the door.

Gokudera was scratching his head in confusion. "I'm sure the note was clear enough…" he muttered before taking a look at the note himself.

If he had been mysteriously drinking water at that moment, he would have done a spit-take. Instead he just choked and gasped like a fish out of water.

Tsuna sniffled, but out of curiosity looked over his shoulder to see what could have possibly saved him the humiliation of the threatening note.

_Hey Reborn!_

_I heard an awesome joke today, kora!_

_**Famous last words of a Mafia hitman... "Who put the violin in the violin case?"**_

_Hah! Let's see you beat that, kora!_

Tsuna just put on a blank face.

"….."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Colonello was happily cleaning his various guns, mostly rifles, but a few glocks too.

"Oi!"

"Huh-? Ouchy!" Colonello cried out as a folded up piece of paper was thrown at his head.

"Quit whining. It's from Reborn," Lal stated and left, slamming the door shut on her way.

Colonello blinked, but then smiled with glee. "Reborn must have gotten my joke, and has written his defeat letter!" He unfolded it.

_**Dear Colonello,**_

_**You are the only one in this room, that I know of, professional enough to handle a Glock 40.**_

_**Sincerely, **_

_**Reborn.**_

"….Hah! About time you realised how awesome I am, kora!"

**Bang!**

"OWWWWWWWWW!"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

**To be continued…**

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

**A/N: Huurrrrr, yes, this chapter didn't have much of a plot did it?**

**I blame Grape.**

**So anyways, if you didn't get the last joke, watch this vid.**

**http :/ www. youtube. com/ watch?v=c4GYxIwKA6Y&feature=related**

**Remove spaces~~**

"**Let's be friends" originated from the Vocaloid song "Just be friends"**


	7. Yes its that time everyone

Yes, unfortunately it has come to this. I know most of you getting this alert will be like:

I don't even remember this story lol.

Yeah... I've lost my interest in KHR, partially because it has ended (and in such an unsatisfyingly abrupt way) and also from all these new fandoms I've become obsessed with.

Really sorry... I hope you atleast enjoyed the journey a little ^^

So yeah, this story is officially **abandoned.**

It was a good run, my third multi-chapter fic, and I have many memories writing this.

Thank you all for the support, I'm sorry to do this.

Til next time-

FiOeX


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